Everything is nothing to the universe
By all odds we should not be here
Yet to be conscious, to make connections
To have multiple moments of happiness
Echoes of laughter and smiles
In this giant fog of stars
With barely a whisper of notice
From the indefinite span of time
Your presence was all the more important
So wherever you go in your life
I will always thank you for being a part of mine.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Is this my family history...or a movie?
I realized one thing when I was younger...that my memory is terrible. I need to start writing these stories down while they're fresh, otherwise they could be lost forever. Here's what my father just reiterated over our Roll N' Roaster lunch.
That guy that works in the restaurant who happens to be my father's "ghost-cousin"...
We were having a conversation about a dim sum place we recently attended and my father remembering it his "cousin" working there. By cousin, he meant that someone in our family and somebody in his family were married after death.
This is called a Ghost Marriage, in which two people are married after death so that they don't have to endure a lifetime of loneliness. According to wikipedia, Chinese ghost marriages were usually set up by the family of the deceased and performed for a number of reasons, including the marriage of an engaged couple before one member's death, to integrate an unmarried daughter into a patrilineage, to ensure the family line is continued, or to maintain that no younger brother is married before an elder brother.
My father's grandmother was stoned to death while using her arms to protect my grandfather, who was ACTUALLY previously married, but the Japanese attacked their house and she died.
So my great grandfather was a baller in the old days. He had two wives, certainly not uncommon, and he was brave enough to live with both of them under one roof.
The first wife bore him a daughter. At some point, he wed a second woman who gave him two sons and two daughters. The first wife would get into arguments with the second one but when it came down to it, the second one would remind her that she never bore great granddad a boy so she was kinda worthless.
The first wife grew depressed and so she hung herself. The village in which she lived was infuriated by this, it's a grave crime for the first wife to be driven to such an act, so they decided to stone the second wife.
My father painted this lovely visual of her being stoned while her children huddled beneath her protecting arms. And this would explain my father telling me how his father killed someone on the boat coming to America.
Apparently Grandpa was also previously married, but the Japanese attacked China in some war and a missile injured the first wife to the point where she wasn't able to recover and passed away. Then he traveled to America, was betrothed to my grandmother when she was 19 and whisked away from her family to join him in America.
My Uncle John's got 99 problems, some used to be women, but not any more.
On my mother's side...my Uncle came to America. Problem was, he was married and somehow managed to leave her in China. As he began to carve a new life for himself here, he met and fell in love with an American woman and married her...without getting a divorce to the first wife. I mean, an entire expanse of water separates the two of you so what's the chances...right?
Well the chances however slim weren't in his favor as the first wife found a way to come to America and was not happy about the situation she found. She fought tooth and nail for her spot in the family and eventually, creating so much calamity that my uncle and the second wife couldn't take it anymore and split.
After the divorce, the first wife got into a car accident in which she didn't survive...and then my Uncle John found himself back to where he started...alone. Perhaps he needs a ghost wife. Or maybe not.
My father and uncles got skipped through school for math, and I could have as well....because of that Great Uncle who passed his brain down the line!
My grandmother's great grandfather went to Beijing to take a nationwide exam, the kind that only one in twenty thousand people pass. Because he was one of the few, he was named a scholar which was one of the highest honors back in those days. Others who have passed this exam have progressed to become officials and other positions likewise. Instead, he returned to my grandmother's village of ten thousand (considered quite the size at the time) and enjoyed his new found notoriety. The school in the village named the playground after him and he later opened up a private school of his own. Back then only well off people could afford to attend school so this opened up a wonderful opportunity to those in the village at the time.
My grandmothers grandfather was also asked by Dr. Sun Yat San, the first president of China, to be on his cabinet when he first visited in the United States. He turned down this great honor because of his great great grandfather's allegiance to the Emperor.
My father and his brothers were all skipped through school from scoring high in math exams. When I was in school, I'd always finish the exams fifteen minutes before the next fastest person, because it was so easy for me. I barely had to write down my calculations and I consistently scored higher than 99.99th percentile in the nationwide regents exams. I would say it's not fair.
I'm not exactly sure why figuring out the bill when I eat lunch with my coworkers is so difficult, but I suppose if you don't use it, you lose it...even when you have generations of genetics trying to keep it up. Sigh.
Somewhere down the line, you're related to the Emperor and your last name isn't really Chin.
Supposedly five generations back we are related to one of the last Emperors of China...yet there is no actual proof of this. What would normally happen in a coup is the former family flees...or risk being hunted down and murdered by the new family. I suppose not killing them would be a security risk. If this is true, that means my ancestors changed their surname and hid...so perhaps "Chin" isn't my real last name after all.
That guy that works in the restaurant who happens to be my father's "ghost-cousin"...
We were having a conversation about a dim sum place we recently attended and my father remembering it his "cousin" working there. By cousin, he meant that someone in our family and somebody in his family were married after death.
This is called a Ghost Marriage, in which two people are married after death so that they don't have to endure a lifetime of loneliness. According to wikipedia, Chinese ghost marriages were usually set up by the family of the deceased and performed for a number of reasons, including the marriage of an engaged couple before one member's death, to integrate an unmarried daughter into a patrilineage, to ensure the family line is continued, or to maintain that no younger brother is married before an elder brother.
My father's grandmother was stoned to death while using her arms to protect my grandfather, who was ACTUALLY previously married, but the Japanese attacked their house and she died.
So my great grandfather was a baller in the old days. He had two wives, certainly not uncommon, and he was brave enough to live with both of them under one roof.
The first wife bore him a daughter. At some point, he wed a second woman who gave him two sons and two daughters. The first wife would get into arguments with the second one but when it came down to it, the second one would remind her that she never bore great granddad a boy so she was kinda worthless.
The first wife grew depressed and so she hung herself. The village in which she lived was infuriated by this, it's a grave crime for the first wife to be driven to such an act, so they decided to stone the second wife.
My father painted this lovely visual of her being stoned while her children huddled beneath her protecting arms. And this would explain my father telling me how his father killed someone on the boat coming to America.
Apparently Grandpa was also previously married, but the Japanese attacked China in some war and a missile injured the first wife to the point where she wasn't able to recover and passed away. Then he traveled to America, was betrothed to my grandmother when she was 19 and whisked away from her family to join him in America.
My Uncle John's got 99 problems, some used to be women, but not any more.
On my mother's side...my Uncle came to America. Problem was, he was married and somehow managed to leave her in China. As he began to carve a new life for himself here, he met and fell in love with an American woman and married her...without getting a divorce to the first wife. I mean, an entire expanse of water separates the two of you so what's the chances...right?
Well the chances however slim weren't in his favor as the first wife found a way to come to America and was not happy about the situation she found. She fought tooth and nail for her spot in the family and eventually, creating so much calamity that my uncle and the second wife couldn't take it anymore and split.
After the divorce, the first wife got into a car accident in which she didn't survive...and then my Uncle John found himself back to where he started...alone. Perhaps he needs a ghost wife. Or maybe not.
My father and uncles got skipped through school for math, and I could have as well....because of that Great Uncle who passed his brain down the line!
My grandmother's great grandfather went to Beijing to take a nationwide exam, the kind that only one in twenty thousand people pass. Because he was one of the few, he was named a scholar which was one of the highest honors back in those days. Others who have passed this exam have progressed to become officials and other positions likewise. Instead, he returned to my grandmother's village of ten thousand (considered quite the size at the time) and enjoyed his new found notoriety. The school in the village named the playground after him and he later opened up a private school of his own. Back then only well off people could afford to attend school so this opened up a wonderful opportunity to those in the village at the time.
My grandmothers grandfather was also asked by Dr. Sun Yat San, the first president of China, to be on his cabinet when he first visited in the United States. He turned down this great honor because of his great great grandfather's allegiance to the Emperor.
My father and his brothers were all skipped through school from scoring high in math exams. When I was in school, I'd always finish the exams fifteen minutes before the next fastest person, because it was so easy for me. I barely had to write down my calculations and I consistently scored higher than 99.99th percentile in the nationwide regents exams. I would say it's not fair.
I'm not exactly sure why figuring out the bill when I eat lunch with my coworkers is so difficult, but I suppose if you don't use it, you lose it...even when you have generations of genetics trying to keep it up. Sigh.
Somewhere down the line, you're related to the Emperor and your last name isn't really Chin.
Supposedly five generations back we are related to one of the last Emperors of China...yet there is no actual proof of this. What would normally happen in a coup is the former family flees...or risk being hunted down and murdered by the new family. I suppose not killing them would be a security risk. If this is true, that means my ancestors changed their surname and hid...so perhaps "Chin" isn't my real last name after all.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
The Story of Arna and the Narwhal
The Story of Arna and the Narwhal
A time long ago, there were no seas, only land as far as the eye could see. All whales were Narwhals and would float through the air gracefully without weight, and humans were bound to the earth as they are now. A girl named Arna would travel the countryside with her favorite friend, the Narwhal.
Arna would spend her days watching the Narwhal arch upwards and effortlessly soar through the clouds. Diving back down, he would glide so close to the land that the air beneath him would bend the grass blades of the hills before returning back to the sky. Grounded by the land, Arna over time, became jealous of the grace and magic her friend possessed.
One day, as they were resting in the grass, Arna turned to the Narwhal and asked, "How is it that you fly?"
The Narwhal responded, "I wasn't always able to child. It is something that happened as I grew. The longer my horn became, the more buoyant I became, until the day that I realized I could soar."
Hearing this, Arna thought to herself that if she could somehow take the horn from the Narwhal, she too could become powerful and fly. She turned to the Narwhal and told him, "I've heard that your horn is a source of great power, but it comes at a cost. For each ring you grow, you grow closer to death."
Upon hearing this, the Narwhal's eyes opened wide in fright. "But my horn is so long, death must be near!"
Arna responded, "Well, I could help you. Give me your horn, and you will get your life back."
The Narwhal hesitated in thought, and then replied, "You are truly a great friend Arna. I hope we will live together forever."
The greed inside Arna's heart turned her hands cold, as they wrapped around the Narwhal's horn. She tugged viciously until part of it began to tear. Tendons and tissue snapped and with one mighty heft, it broke free.
Arna stood triumphantly with the horn in her hand and looked down at Narwhal proclaiming, "Silly whale, nobody lives forever. And now, I can live the rest of my life with the freedom you've always had."
Breathing heavily, she summoned her thoughts to fly...yet nothing happened. She wasn't sure how to use the horn and asked, "How does this work?!"
There was no answer.
She looked down and saw the light in her friend's eyes grow dim. The whale was unresponsive. The horn, though beautiful, had no magical powers of it's own. She didn't think taking it would harm her friend but apparently, what she wanted most was something that could not be separated.
She stood alone on the hill with nothing but a broken reminder in her hand.
Realizing she had been selfish, she bent over the Narwhal, weeping uncontrollably. She wept and wept, until an ocean of tears formed around them. Waves of sorrow swept up around them until they both began to float away. It was at this point that she heard a voice.
It was the Narwhal's.
"My friend, what has happened! What is this that surrounds us?"
Arna looked up, "It is a sea of my sadness and love."
The Narwhal spoke, "It is this very thing that has brought me back but I must move on. I am now trapped here in the sea, yet I shall still soar through water as I once did the clouds. You can't live here Arna, so we must part ways. Perhaps we can meet again one day where the land joins the water."
Arna returned to the land as the Narwhal dipped below into the ocean's depths, forever separating the land mammals from the marine mammals. She walked many times to the waters edge, but never saw her friend again. Occasionally, she would hear the distant song of the Narwhal, which filled her ears with sadness and love.
The End.
Monday, January 6, 2014
What I learned about life from old men and fishing
As a child, I spent most of my summer days fishing with my grandfather and his friends. I have always felt lucky to have had numerous philosophical conversations with men near
the end of their lives. I was less than ten years old when I received
most of these small golden nuggets of wisdom and though I was young, I took these words to heart, and it has helped
me tremendously along my journey through life. If you can figure out how to be successful saltwater pier
fishing, you can probably "tackle" most things in life. Yes, I am that corny.
So, what exactly was it that made me as a young child want to listen to my elders? I wanted to catch fish of course! I realized that if I did what they told me to, by the end of the day, I would find myself surrounded by people standing closer wondering how me and my grandfather always knew where the lucky spots were. They would constantly try to figure out how to detangle their reels while I sat there catching fish, never getting snared on anything. They never knew all of the subtle things I was told to do to make it all work.
Here is what I learned from fishing:
You can't force fish. They come when they want to.
Don't obsessively check your bait. The waiting can be frustrating and you sometimes feel the need to make something happen but let the line do it's work for a little while. Most attempts at control will not only scare away fish, but will often shake the bait off the line from yanking it so often through the current. If you just leave it out there for a while, you'll avoid a lot of common fishing problems.
Multiply your chances at success with more setups.
If you can find the poles, cast a few lines out there. Make sure your bait is securely attached. Set them and forget them. Don't get worked up whether they are going to succeed or fail because ultimately you have no power over this. If the baited line fails you, re-bait it and throw another line out. When there is a big hit, and you pull that fish in successfully, it is an exciting moment and will often draw a crowd of onlookers. They won't know you how many times you've baited empty hooks, but watch as they slowly move closer to your spot to fish.
Pulling the line in too fast will get you snagged!
It's important to take your time when pulling a line in. Make sure you're going slow enough along the bottom to feel if it's beginning to get snagged on something. You want to feel the line, and respond if you know you have to. If you stop in time, the current will often loosen a snagged hook right on up. If you force the line in too quickly it will become securely tangled and you may lose your whole setup. You can also get snagged on other peoples lines this way and piss them off due to your carelessness and impatience.
Know when to cut the line.
Sometimes your line gets stuck despite all of your efforts and expertise. When you know that there is no way short of you diving into the water to untangle this mess, know when to cut the line. Sure, you'll lose your bait, hook and sinker, but at least you won't lose any additional time chasing after a futile goal. The sooner you can set your line back up, the sooner you can start catching fish again with that pole.
Wait for the right moment to grab an opportunity.
If you've ever gone saltwater fishing in New York, you'll know that the water is pretty darn murky. Once your bait dips down a few inches, it becomes impossible to see. The fish are also perfectly camouflaged for this environment. The only thing you can see is the tip of your rod and the direction of the line. Some use this to patiently know the right moment to pick up the rod. I prefer to keep a finger on the line and feel the slight vibrations coming from the other end. It's like having x-ray vision into the water. The bite of a fish is distinguishable from most other things like currents and seaweed after a bit of experience. The true trick is reading into the right moment to jerk your line and snag that baby.
Pull the line too quickly and you can not only lose the fish but your bait. Pull it too late and the fish can escape well fed. Knowing that slight pulsation of nibbles that let's you know the fish's mouth is right on the line and maybe getting slightly stuck and knowing the exact moment to yank that pole upwards is one of the reasons I will catch more fish than the guy next to me.
Some people get lucky and catch fish despite doing all of the wrong things. Be happy for them.
Winning things by chance is the entire game but always be happy for other's fortunes. It doesn't take away your chances of catching fish, and it may make you remember why you're out there.
The very most important thing to being a successful fisherman is the actual action of throwing lines out. You can't catch fish if you don't even try.
And finally, enjoy the moment.
Fishing is kind of boring and it takes some acclimation to doing close to nothing for up to 12 hours straight, though seeing it as nothing is just one point of view. This is your life. You only have a limited time here yet so many moments go by unappreciated. When fishing, once you become mindful of your surroundings, you will become to notice the small things of beauty. The glint of the sunlight speckling the waves warming your face. The smell of the sea. How the wind softly brushes lightly across your face. Adjusting your focus to notice small fish and things swimming occasionally past you. The sound of the gulls crying at each other. The mysterious vibrations of the line under your finger as it tugs with the current and bumps into things along the ocean floor. Being able to quiet your mind, enough to feel this ebb of time flowing by you and really savoring it is a way to optimize this time you have everywhere every day. When you start to enjoy just being in the middle of so much and nothing at the same time, you will capture a multitude of moments that otherwise would have passed you by.
So there is all I have learned from fishing. All of my fishing buddies have long passed on, but I'm hoping their wisdom will continue to live on. It has done me a lifetime of good so it makes me happy to pass it on.
So, what exactly was it that made me as a young child want to listen to my elders? I wanted to catch fish of course! I realized that if I did what they told me to, by the end of the day, I would find myself surrounded by people standing closer wondering how me and my grandfather always knew where the lucky spots were. They would constantly try to figure out how to detangle their reels while I sat there catching fish, never getting snared on anything. They never knew all of the subtle things I was told to do to make it all work.
Here is what I learned from fishing:
You can't force fish. They come when they want to.
Don't obsessively check your bait. The waiting can be frustrating and you sometimes feel the need to make something happen but let the line do it's work for a little while. Most attempts at control will not only scare away fish, but will often shake the bait off the line from yanking it so often through the current. If you just leave it out there for a while, you'll avoid a lot of common fishing problems.
Multiply your chances at success with more setups.
If you can find the poles, cast a few lines out there. Make sure your bait is securely attached. Set them and forget them. Don't get worked up whether they are going to succeed or fail because ultimately you have no power over this. If the baited line fails you, re-bait it and throw another line out. When there is a big hit, and you pull that fish in successfully, it is an exciting moment and will often draw a crowd of onlookers. They won't know you how many times you've baited empty hooks, but watch as they slowly move closer to your spot to fish.
Pulling the line in too fast will get you snagged!
It's important to take your time when pulling a line in. Make sure you're going slow enough along the bottom to feel if it's beginning to get snagged on something. You want to feel the line, and respond if you know you have to. If you stop in time, the current will often loosen a snagged hook right on up. If you force the line in too quickly it will become securely tangled and you may lose your whole setup. You can also get snagged on other peoples lines this way and piss them off due to your carelessness and impatience.
Know when to cut the line.
Sometimes your line gets stuck despite all of your efforts and expertise. When you know that there is no way short of you diving into the water to untangle this mess, know when to cut the line. Sure, you'll lose your bait, hook and sinker, but at least you won't lose any additional time chasing after a futile goal. The sooner you can set your line back up, the sooner you can start catching fish again with that pole.
Wait for the right moment to grab an opportunity.
If you've ever gone saltwater fishing in New York, you'll know that the water is pretty darn murky. Once your bait dips down a few inches, it becomes impossible to see. The fish are also perfectly camouflaged for this environment. The only thing you can see is the tip of your rod and the direction of the line. Some use this to patiently know the right moment to pick up the rod. I prefer to keep a finger on the line and feel the slight vibrations coming from the other end. It's like having x-ray vision into the water. The bite of a fish is distinguishable from most other things like currents and seaweed after a bit of experience. The true trick is reading into the right moment to jerk your line and snag that baby.
Pull the line too quickly and you can not only lose the fish but your bait. Pull it too late and the fish can escape well fed. Knowing that slight pulsation of nibbles that let's you know the fish's mouth is right on the line and maybe getting slightly stuck and knowing the exact moment to yank that pole upwards is one of the reasons I will catch more fish than the guy next to me.
Some people get lucky and catch fish despite doing all of the wrong things. Be happy for them.
Winning things by chance is the entire game but always be happy for other's fortunes. It doesn't take away your chances of catching fish, and it may make you remember why you're out there.
The very most important thing to being a successful fisherman is the actual action of throwing lines out. You can't catch fish if you don't even try.
And finally, enjoy the moment.
Fishing is kind of boring and it takes some acclimation to doing close to nothing for up to 12 hours straight, though seeing it as nothing is just one point of view. This is your life. You only have a limited time here yet so many moments go by unappreciated. When fishing, once you become mindful of your surroundings, you will become to notice the small things of beauty. The glint of the sunlight speckling the waves warming your face. The smell of the sea. How the wind softly brushes lightly across your face. Adjusting your focus to notice small fish and things swimming occasionally past you. The sound of the gulls crying at each other. The mysterious vibrations of the line under your finger as it tugs with the current and bumps into things along the ocean floor. Being able to quiet your mind, enough to feel this ebb of time flowing by you and really savoring it is a way to optimize this time you have everywhere every day. When you start to enjoy just being in the middle of so much and nothing at the same time, you will capture a multitude of moments that otherwise would have passed you by.
So there is all I have learned from fishing. All of my fishing buddies have long passed on, but I'm hoping their wisdom will continue to live on. It has done me a lifetime of good so it makes me happy to pass it on.
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